Since I began seminary in 2005, I’ve paid close attention to Christian leaders who have fallen from their positions due to the abuse of power or sexual misconduct. Ted Haggard, Bill Hybels, Ravi Zacharias, Mark Driscoll, Carl Lentz, and James Macdonald to name a few. While heartbreaking to read each story, I believe this is an important time for us to wake up to the abuse and narcissism rampant in our churches.
Abuse of power and narcissistic leadership is a cancer among us. I’ve had so much to learn and unlearn over the years regarding the implications of abuse and I’ve been so grateful for the wisdom of people like Diane Langberg, Dan Allender, and Rachel Denhollander. One example of a change I needed to make was in my perception of the story of David and Bathsheba as told in 2 Samuel 11. In high school and college, I would often hear that David had participated in an “affair” with Bathsheba. The reality, however, is that David was the King of Israel, and saying no to the king could have resulted in Bathsheba’s death. If a person can’t truly say no—due to pressure, or a power dynamic—there is no consent. Therefore, David is not merely an adulterer; he is guilty of rape and the abuse of power.
On Sunday, August 28th news broke about Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church, taking a leave of absence. My heart sank, “Oh no, not him too. Not another one.” The headline was that Chandler had an inappropriate online relationship with a woman and is taking an indefinite leave of absence from preaching and teaching.
Here are the details The Village Church released:
- A woman approached Chandler in the foyer of The Village Church with concerns about how he was communicating with one of her friends
- Chandler was disoriented by the experience and told his wife and elders
- The direct messaging with the woman was not secretive. Matt’s wife and the other woman’s husband knew about their exchanges
- The direct messaging was not sexual or romantic
- The direct messaging was “unguarded,” though no details were provided about what that means
In Chandler’s words, “We believe in brother-sister relationships here [at The Village Church]. And yet there was a frequency that moved past that, and there was a familiarity that played itself out in coarse and foolish joking. It’s unbefitting to someone in my position.”
Here are some other details I find important to note about this story:
- The Village Church is a highly influential Southern Baptist congregation. The denomination has been under fire for refusing to act on abuse, despite a secret list of predatory pastors
- Matt Chandler replaced Mark Driscoll as President of Acts 29 in 2012 due to Driscoll’s personal character issues
- The Southern Baptist Church Executive Committee staff saw advocates’ cries for help as a distraction from evangelism and a legal liability. The cries for help were stonewalled and the SBC resisted calls for reform
- Rachel Denhollander, an advocate for abuse victims said the church did itself “no favors” by not making the report public. “It is always best practice to release the result of the independent assessment,” she said. “It is the best protection for everybody.” (NY Times)
- The Village Church and Matt Chandler had the opportunity to be fully transparent by releasing the report from the the law firm they hired. They also could have hired an independent third-party investigator
- The Village Church said they did not release the findings to honor the request of the woman Matt was messaging. From what I’ve learned however, the report could have been released with her name redacted to protect her identity.
Before I begin offering any remarks on this matter, I want to acknowledge we don’t have all the facts or the content of the direct messages between Chandler and his friend. As I read the report and listened to one of the pastors at The Village, I kept thinking, “Is the church hiding something or are they blowing this up much larger than needed?” There may be a level of secrecy or abuse of power that I am not aware of. If those details become clear, I will change my thoughts accordingly.
What’s going on here?
One interpretation on this story is that The Village did not want to get this one wrong. Let’s take a step back and understand the cultural context we are in. Abuse of power is a clear- and-present-danger to the witness and health of our churches. We must do everything we can to address this disease. I would argue that Church has more than “the world” to repent for. That said, my sense is also that the elders of The Village Church would have to be concerned about getting this case wrong. The Village is among the most influential churches of two major organizations: The Southern Baptist Church and Acts 29. To not act on a severe issue that happened on their watch would be an abdication of power for organizations that can’t afford another mishandling of abuse.
I would imagine this case brought The Village Church leadership into tremendous binds. On one hand, they want to see Pastor Matt Chandler and his family be honored while receiving due process; on the other hand, they want to see his calling and the church’s reputation upheld; to not look away from possible concerns, to do everything in their power to address any abuse of power in their midst. The pursuit of wisdom can be arduous. It’s often only in retrospect that we’re able to tell if we made the right decision. I suspect this choice to put Chandler on an indefinite leave of absence was done with prayer, concern, wisdom—and agony. At the same time, we are left wondering why the independent report was not released (the best practice) and why the allegations remain so vague.
Consequences of The Village Church decision
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on this emerging Matt Chandler story. My sense is that the leadership of The Village Church got this one wrong, and their decision will have intended and unintended consequences. At the very least, they could have released the results of the independent report. And if there was nothing of consequence to report, they drove a major wedge between male and female friendships at The Village and beyond.
From the information released, there is no evidence Matt Chandler abused his power or acted inappropriately with his friend. Yet Chandler and his family have been publicly shamed for his direct messages with her. As I said before, I have zero interest in defending any man who abuses his role, but this does not appear to be the case with Chandler. Yet what we do know is that he has been publicly reported for having an inappropriate relationship with a female friend and is undergoing a measure of scrutiny that borders humiliation for it. And yet we’re all left wondering, what did he do that warranted an indefinite leave of absence?
We’re left looking for an explanation or someone is looking for a scapegoat.
The harm this will do to women
The biggest unintended consequence I fear is how women will be affected, whether in church leadership or not. Any time a news story likes this breaks it reinforces the notion that women are far too dangerous to be in close relationship with. It also reinforces the helplessness of men to mature. Historically, rather than Christian men doing their own work to acknowledge and transform their objectification and sexual story, they move to quarantine themselves from women in public. This is all part of what I’ve called the binge-and-purge cycle of evangelical men. Many leaders binge on porn or fantasy in private, which then sets them up to purge themselves of intimate relationships with women in public. When men will not mature and the church clings to legalism, women will suffer.
In the church, prohibiting male-female relationships is often seen as “wisdom,” without ever asking men to grapple with their potential to abuse power or tendency to objectify others. In the church, women are often excluded instead of asking men to do the hard work that change requires. To paraphrase Director of the Surge Network, Dennae Pierre (in reference to the Ravi Zacharias abuse case): male and female relationships in evangelicalism are so broken that when one male messes up, thousands respond with legalism and women suffer. This is my primary concern with the Matt Chandler story—how will increased legalism bring additional harm and severing to women and men in the church?
My prayer is that this story will not result in churches further policing male-female relationships. Unfortunately many evangelical leaders privately binge in their fantasies. This issue creates a seesaw effect: they engage in inappropriate behaviors in private, then deprive themselves of healthily relating to women in the church. Other male leaders try to eliminate the slightest hint of immorality and unwittingly stiff-arm women from being co-image bearers in their communities. The image of God is both male and female (Genesis 1:27). If we want to know God, but we want to use women for sexual gain OR “protect” ourselves from them, we are exploiting or excluding a good portion of God. Both objectification and fear harm women.
Sadly, I suspect the The Village Church decision will compound fear, thus pushing men deeper into hiding and women further into exclusion.
Closing Thoughts
Regardless of whether or not abuse of power took place in this particular story, here are a three things for churches to consider regarding an inappropriate male-female relationships:
- All marriages will go through a season where at least one spouse will find more life with someone outside their marriage. This is not an indicator that one needs to leave ministry. Instead, it’s something of a clarion call for the couple to address the conflict, tepidness, or lack of connection.
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- Many couples abdicate their responsibility to growing their relationship in times of distress or emotional distance and therefore become highly susceptible to emotional or extra-marital affairs. Leaving a marriage is always easier than developing intimacy & desire with the one you’re with.
- A committed relationship is doing exactly what it’s designed to do when it flushes out the relational and sexual difficulties in each partner. Sometimes we think the relationship is broken when in reality the marriage system is working flawlessly.
- As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, a pastor does not simply participate in a “affair” with someone in his or her congregation, they are participating in the abuse of power due to the authority of their role.
- Self-sabotage can be an indicator that a leader is consciously or unconsciously looking for a way to leave ministry. I’ve worked with many leaders who have sabotaged their lives because at some level they knew it would give them a permission slip to leave ministry. Moreover, many leaders have trauma histories, which make positions of power and increased isolation preferred. This way of life works for a leader until the pressures of their job exhaust them and they want out of the role they’ve always known. If leaders want or need to get out, let’s give them language and permission to do so honorably.
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- If you are a leader, are you being honest about the difficulties and pressures of your role?
- If you are a leader, do you have men and women you are discerning your past trauma and current job pressures with?
- If you are a leader, are there unwanted behaviors you’re engaging in that run the high risk for exposure and humiliation?
3.Seminaries should have more than ONE class on sexuality and relationships to help students understand their sexual story and style of relating. Many pastors leave seminary with no understanding of sexual health, their story, or how much of a transference object they will become.
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- If our pastors are not trained and discipled in their sexual life, how can they possibly do this with those they lead?
The church is at an inflection point regarding its power. To be honest, I am tired of seeing the pendulum swing between the abdication of power and coercive power. The abdication of power is when the church does little to protect the most vulnerable, stonewalls advocates when they speak to changes that must be made, or when it fails to disciple people in understanding and blessing the bodies God has given to them. Coercive power is seen in narcissistic leadership that uses others for sexual, relational, platform, or financial gain. It’s also displayed when the church relies on legalism to micromanage thoughts and behaviors.
Power used correctly however is an essential asset of the church. It can right injustices, offer care to the hurting, and drive us to great acts of love. Power requires wisdom, yes, but the way to stem the tide of these issues is for the church to embrace its influence, not fear or misuse it. May we become a church that stands against abuse, but also has the capacity to be curious about the dimensions of our lives that exist between failure and growth.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and speaker. Jay’s award-winning book Unwanted was based on research on nearly 4,000 people struggling with unwanted sexual behaviors like the use of porn, extra-marital affairs, and buying sex.
Stringer holds a Masters of Divinity and Masters in Counseling Psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center. Jay lives in New York City with his wife and two children. To learn more about Jay visit his website at www.jay-stringer.com
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